My friends found that I was quite quiet recently, without
any reasons I just feel like I have no mood to talk and no space for happy. He
is leaving me, yes he is going to leave me here and march forward to his
success life, while I still need to struggle for 3 years more to get out from
this school. Im gonna miss him a lot…. Boy just passed his professional exam
and going to be a doctor very soon in June, I shall feel very happy and proud
of him, but I found that this feeling was just a temporary moment. I don wish
him to leave me, seriously, but at the same time I have to let go, so he can
chase the dream that he want so much all these years~ become a doctor, and then
proceed to be a pediatric specialist, and sub summore into the cardiologist for
pediatric group. While me?? I’m just a normal ordinary second year medical
student waiting for professional 1 exam without much effort, yet ( I promise I will
study hard soon)
I should not have any negative emotion on this matter, but I
just cannot control my emotion. Every time when I think of he officially
graduates from this medical school and gonna leave this faculty forever until
his convo during October, I felt loneliness….. I wish he can stay with me longer
but at the same time definitely I don wish him to get any extension because of
failure in the examination. He is a smart person and a very well-organized ppl,
and this is the reason why he is attractive. I just don wish that the gap
between us is getting bigger and bigger…. Yes my knowledge is not there, not as
the same level as his, but im improving. Plz slow down ur steps to wait for me,
look behind to make sure that im still following you, but not missing my
direction to somewhere else…..
The future is just a very far topic and idea to me, what I see
now is how am I going to pass my prof, but I cant predict how long this
relationship can sustain and how long both of us can be together. Well of coz I
wish to be with him forever, but who knows? Life is totally unpredictable, and
this is a long distance relationship, much effort and sacrifices are needed
from both of us to manage the relationship well. I have confident with him, but
I just don have confident with his surroundings. (well forget about me, I have
no market value here at all). What if someday he met another girl who is even
better than me, maybe a new houseman like him or a nurse? I cant kill and chop
that girl into pieces for bah kut te, so I just pray hard this situation wont
happen to me ( it did happened in reality among my frens)
I will miss every moment of us, the time we studied together
in the faculty until midnight time; when we jogged together in K17 to Bukit
Ekspo; Dined together for dinner in the café while complaining the food was
totally tasteless; walked one round and round in the faculty area at night time…..
after this Friday, Im gonna study alone in the faculty, without ur voice as my
companion, and no ppl will eat the food I cooked for special. No ppl will bear
with my bad temper when I was frustrated, no ppl is going to cheer me up when I
was in a bad mood….
This Friday is the last day he stay in K17….and after this
Friday, I am going to be alone, neither single nor available =))
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