最近正在构思一部新的小说, 题材差不多和面具有关
可是我想的面具,并不是娱乐大众的小丑面具,
而是隐藏在每个人心底下不为人只的另一面.....
面对这种人,他或她心里到底隐藏着多少你你不知道的秘密?
每个人都有一个自己专属的一面,但这一面大动机, 到底有多大大杀机等候着你?

不能完全相信你身边的每一个人,
这是我刚踏入中学的时候我母亲给我的忠告
当然,我从来都不把它当成一回事.
在我眼里,朋友就应该互相坦诚, 把自己最真实的一面揭露在你最要好的朋友前
我一直以为,我的观念是对的
所以,我曾经被朋友背叛过而不知道
高中一的生活是我这一辈子最灰暗的回忆,如果有机会,我很想把这段回忆狠狠地从我记忆里删除
我不是很会交朋友,我承认这一点
连现在也是这样,我还是会很怀疑,我身边的每一个朋友,
究竟值不值得我去信任?

我看不透别人的面具
有的人很厉害隐藏自己的黑暗, 暗地里再对你动手动脚
很喜欢夜宴里,
章子怡的其中一句对白
人最厉害的,不是戴着面具去躲开别人,而是把自己的脸,变成一张面具
我很同意这一点, 因为我的身边不乏这些人才
他们能够把自己的表情掩饰得天衣无缝
前头明明答应你某写事情
暗地里就和其他人埋怨你,说你多管闲事, 造谣是非
面对这种人,我真的很累
因为我不懂得应该如何和他们相处
所以,我选择当一只鸵鸟....
避开不见面,就可以减少争执,
基本上,我也不认为几个月建立起来的友情
会有多坚固?五年的友情都可以轻易地翻脸不认人了,更何况是几个月?

或许,我真的应该好好地找一个大师拜师学艺,如何在一个适当的时候,能够轻易地,把自己的脸,
变成一张虚伪的面具
每个人,心中都会有一个阴影
一个圈了你一辈子却走不出去的回忆,往往, 它也是你心中最不想提起的一段往事.
有的人承受心理上很大的打击而不能自我
有的人则把阴影的恐惧压抑下来, 继续若无其事般的生活
前者可以借着旁人的协助下勉强把事情淡化,
而后者呢?
强行的压抑下, 也许他会有着幻想恐惧, 担心希望随时破灭
表面上, 他门可能很坚强
但实际上, 那片禁地随时会把他们带向死亡
当然,这要看阴影的严重性
人就是酱,永远担心自己脆弱的一面表露出来, 装做坚强
等到自己心理的最后一道防墙塌下时,已经来不及了.
心理的防墙是大多数人面对问题时的最后极限
一旦没了,通常都是精神崩溃.....

当然, 我也有阴影,而且是两个阴影
但这两个都基本上不至于搞到我会精神崩溃
好朋友的死并不会是阴影,因为死亡并不可怕,最可怕的是深藏不露的人心
有的人表面上是你的朋友, 可是暗地里都不知道插了你几刀再附送落井下石
自私自利的人是险恶的,
但不比双面人来得可怕.在你前面是朋友,在你后面是恶魔
这是我的第一个阴影, 因为曾经被朋友设计过, 陷害过
自私自利的人性让他们放弃了友谊,踩着别人往上爬
利用你,是他们成功最大的本钱. 当你还有利用价值的时候,你是他们的宝贝。渣干后,一脚把你踢开,从此把你当成最陌生的陌生人
所以,不要怪我常常参不同的朋友而忽略了你们
因为这世界上没有永远的友谊, 当然除了我几个青梅竹马以外。
原谅我, 这个阴影给我带来的影响不浅。

还有一个阴影,是某某人带来的
很多年前,我们的关系很好,也可以说很暧昧
可是呢? 一转身,他已经牵着另一个女孩的手
现在你问我, 男生有安全感吗?
我会回答你, 除非遇上一个真正关心你, 愿意与你一起规划未来的男生
否则,他们都只是你生命中最要好的蓝颜知己.
做不成情侣,就做彼此生活中互相扶持的好朋友吧!
我不清楚他会不会知道他就是这个人
但我希望,其他男生不会如此对待一个女生

haha, finally the chinese new year nite succeed, hooray for tat.
A pic from em, and together v my best fren yongshi and Yvonne choo
haha, shi, the costume suited u leh....
don say urself are ugly anymore in the future k?
coz u juz looked nice~ ^^



v r having a photo session together v the backdrop on the stage
gosh the deeign was out of my expectation.
it looked gorgeous, as a result from the decoration team to work hard for at least 2 weeks time

n of course, the performance get a lot of praise from others.
the Pengarah n HEP commented tat tis is the best CNY performance in college for 10 years time
Even our senior congrated us tat v set a higher limit for our junior in the future
So happy and so glad to hear tat
V work so hard since December, practise and practise, and finally our hard work was appreciated. Happy Happy ^^
** a bit too late to post tis since the CNY nite already pass a month, hehe

After the good news, here comes the bad news
MY EXAM IS APPROACHING!!!!
argh, Im lack of time already seriouly
But im sure I cant lock myself the whole day in the room
I will get crazy for tat
I prepared a few food as the preparation for study week
well I too greeedy liao, and eat half of them~ hehe > <
Now im start to worry
if I continue my daily routine like tis, Im sure a big fatty after my exam
OH MY GOSH TIS IS NOT GOOD AT ALL!!!

It's raining cats and dogs tis fews day in the skul
lo very cold outside leh
but it is nice to sleep at nite,a natural air conditioner for everyone
until I have problem to wake up in the next morning
argh, think about my exam, i found tat i still got a lot of topics tat I haven revise yet T..T
God please help me to pass my exam v flying colours, I don want to repeat the same mistake like wat i had done, scare scare scare now
I wish to stay up in the midnite to study, but 90% i will fall asleep ZZZZ
not good at all
but Im looking forward for the reunion gathering v my secondary skul life frens leh
i want sakae, karaoke, movie and everything, especially v LEE LIEW KHIM haha


Never leave down any regret in ur life coz u will never get them back in the future
time will juz pass like tat
they don wait u
Once u really lost it, it is no point for u to cry anymore
there maybe a lot of chance in ur life, but every chance will not be the same, and they will never repeat. When the chance knock ur door, juz welcome them and use the chance wisely.
im not a passive thinker, but Im not as sunny as u thought.
And now i regret i din grab the chance nicely before........
high skul life, the most unforgetable memory in my heart forever...
v have a forum toghether, and a very lapsap blogspot who writ a lot of negative gossip inside. v r crazy for blogspot before facebook, it was fun to spam in the soctison forum and view others blog and gave a lot of rubbish comments > <
Today, v reunited again, in shuyin funeral. talked about our past. I really appreciate tat i met u all during my high skul life. Monkeys, u all made my life wonderful. and now v have a closed group in facebook, so v wil stay united.
time pass so fast, v already graduated for 2 years. yet, v haven go to take our spm result @_@ Well, my english stil very poor ( i cant stand to type in chinese after chinese star gulung tikar), everyone stil look the same, physically and mentally.
juz go back to view a few blogs and scotison forum.
http://scotison.14.forumer.com/index.php
http://4sa1iloveyou.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2008-10-05T22%3A53%3A00%2B08%3A00&max-results=7

I remember our time when v r young, childish, and a big headache for teacher. but every of tis is one part of our life, which make our life meaningful.虽然相处的时间只有短短的5年,但我们已经在北海钟灵的每一个角落, 留下了最深刻的脚印. 想起我们的捣蛋,无聊,那也是一种生活大象征. 我有朋友曾经说,中学生活对他而言是毫无意义的. 我觉得他很悲哀, 因为中学生活应该是人生中最精彩,最有意义的一页.
中学生活让你能够想起,以前的你曾经在这里生活过, 奋斗过,颓废过. 至少以后, 你可以很高兴自豪地和你的同学甚至孩子们讲述你中学的种种一切. 中学很短, 但很回味.工作社会的时间很长,但你觉得在你奸我诈的面具下,你回过得开心吗? 看回去中学那个曾经让我觉得很废的班网, 让我想起,我在中学里的点滴.

中学的我很大胆, 逃课,逃学, 不交功课,顶撞老师,总之能够犯规的事情,只要不要太严重我都试过. 这应该是叛逆期吧? 热血方刚的我们从来不去考虑后果, 自己开心就好. 现在的我们都成长了,动作也拘束了, 不能再像以前那么任性刁蛮. 可是我还是很喜欢以前的回忆.不矫揉造作, 直率.

时光已经无法倒留了, 我们现在唯一能做的,就是放下过去, 放眼未来.
考试已经近在咫尺, 是时候好好准备军粮全力备战了.感情的事情,搁着先吧...已经不在是那个傻乎乎的少女了,要好好地为自己的前途规划, 迎接更美好的彩虹.


书莹,很多朋友都赶回来看你最后一面了,虽然还是心痛,但你的精神永远都会在我们心中. 书莹,你安息吧~我们会坚强的...
Im trying to treat everthing postitively, 11 more hours, my dearest fren will have her last journey for her life. I wish i could strong enough to handle this, wish tat i could hold my tears tomoro. Suddenly i feel tat the world is unpredictable, u will never know when is ur last day. The day before my fren died, she told her roommate tat she felt not secure at all, dunno wat is the reason. She was not planning to come back, but she changed her mind the last minute. There was a lot of symptoms before tis, juz like she knew tat stg bad will happen.
Shu yin, before tis week i still wondering how come u online so frequently, u even update ur blog tat u deserted long time ago. If i really din read ur sms, I wouldn't know tat was ur last message to every of us. Forgive me, i opened the blog so late tat i thought it was not important at all. Tears rolling down everytime i missed u, u just left me so suddenly...
i talked to Angelia and her fren from IPG before, told me a lot of strange behaviour before she left in the afternoon. Having a great and awesome lunch, din knock the door and say goodbye to her best fren, asked to take more pictures v frens in the garden tat she everyday passed by. She even told her Malay fren to wear in black if she wish to attend any funeral. The nite before the incident, she told Angelia and her best fren tat she felt totally unsecure and uncomfortable, she wished to go home by bus, which she thought it was more safety. Tat nite was Wednesday nite.
I know tis on Friday morning, 6.53am, i shocked and shivered, she juz commented on my facebook during wed nite. On thursday nite, I failed to writ my novel, and i couldn't sleep as usual like a pig. I thought it was because of weather, well it was a sign for me. I called her twice, and sms her but the notification note was not received. tis really barely happened, bt i din take too much attention on it. thanks to my frens who always ignore my sms.
i looked at her last face thrice, hoping tat she could juz blink her eyed or smile at me. i cant accept the fate tat she already left me away, to the heaven. I made a keychain v the name of both of us, but she will never see it. V shall go out for a date today, go to sunway for a crazy shopping in bookfair, a welcome party in sakae sushi, mayb a movie or karaoke. V even promised to exchange secret together.
The GOD will take away things tat u do not appreciate well. And he took away yin from me. I never take it serious when she talked about anime to me. Even her draw, i juz give some praise, which i think it was not sincere at all. But she never complained about tat. She always blame me for having two dears, but it was juz a joke, now i onli left one. Christine, i really hope tat u will be nice and healthy forever.
Before tat, she said she will make a chocolate for me as valentime present, she said tis year will be the last year v celebrate together coz she dowan be my valentime the next year. And now, tis had become a truth. I scold her tat time, don leave me alone unless v my permission. v plan to go P.redang n P.perhentian together.. A lot of memories cross over my mind now, but it was too late for everthing.
to everyone my fren here, my clb monkeys frens, my dancing club frens, my bsm n VAd frens, my kmpp frens, and my family especially my parents, i love u all as i always do. please forgive me if i hurt of or act mean to u before...i think i shall finish my novel right after my exam passed, which i delayed long time ago. i wish to go back for ballet, so i shall start to train back my stamina now. I let go too much things tat i want, i want to get them back as soon as possible, without any regret.
at last, frens, v should change our attitude now. Don always say die die die on your mouth, coz u never know when it will become a truth
My best friend juz died the sweetest dear tat I ever had. I cant believe tis when my sis tell me the news, I thought it was juz a joke when she try to wake me up. But when I heard she cried, I know, tis is not a joke, tis is a truth…. shuyin died, she died, DIED DIED DIED
How could I believe in tis? thrusday morning, she juz leave a comment at my status, asking me wat happen after I wrote tat I nearly break the rules for eating meat tat day, which I should be on fasting. Im so sorry dear tat I ignored u which I shouldn’t I all. blame myself, tis is the punishment from the god, where I din appreciate u nicely b4, HE is taking back u from me.
I cal wei wei en, she couldn’t believe tis, she thought tat I was having peer pressure. yin, I really really hope tat, all of tis, is juz a lie, a white lie. I refuse to believe tis, in fact, how am I going to believe tat all of tis happened? v just text each other during Wednesday, u juz leave a comment on y post tis Thursday, goo goo n me r planning to have a reunion outing v u tomorrow. our last meet was during penang bridge run, sorry I couldn’t spent too much time v u, I’m really sorry.
My god, do u know u just killed 4 ambitious future teacher who already determined to work for the society in few years time? Shuyin dear so passion towards the work, she really look forward to serve the country through education, and trained herself to become a good teacher. When my friends who are working as temporary teacher now complaining tat students r disobedient and they are having trouble to manage the class, she explained it nicely, coz she loves her future job as teacher as she wanted to know more about tis career. I believe she will become a good teacher, and she will.
I wil never forget wat v hv done during from 4, v sit together during physics class. u draw ur anime, alicia sleeping, n i will continue v sudoku or stg lapsap. sorry dear i din pay attention to ur anime speech tat time. U r disappointed rite? I really regret, i should appreaciate u more. Look back to facebook, i onli found tat, v rarely take pic together. juz bcoz v think tat, the time stil long.....U promise for a DIY chocolate for me, do you stil remember?
Now, everything is over. Dreams spoilt, ambitious gone. Just because of an accident. As a result, my best friend certified tis morning, my dear had left me. We promised together, if I get USM Kelantan for my uni life, v will hang out together during weekends, as both the campus r near together. V even planned a trip to Kenyir, Redang, Perhentian if I really get there. And now, she is no more. If this was just a dream, how pretty could it? But the truth is, I already woke up, n this is definitely not a dream.
Dear, be the prettiest angel in the heaven, your kindness, your smile, your laugh, will deep inside my heart forever. I already long time din call your true name, Goh Shu Yin, is it? we should meet during CNY, but we missed it. I’m very sorry…. But I really miss you, I miss the time we go out together, sing karaoke with wei wei en, yaya and goo goo. You are excellent, sorry I din tell u before, but you are. You are pretty, from appearance and your personalities. The most funny is, v din take a lot of pictures together, because v think that v stil have a lot of time to spend together. Everything just happened in a moment, shocked, cried, shivering….
Dear, just rest in peace. We are good friends together, and we always are. No matter what happened, you will just in my mind forever.


your Loved best friend,
chenyue
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